Zoe Flower. Z.Flo. Z

I'm looking forward to another year of exciting announcements in the games industry. February is the yearly DICE convention that I've never attended before, but have always wanted to. It's a gathering of top creative minds- all in one happenin' spot in Nevada :). Maybe I will pop my head in and see what it's all about!

September 28.04
Jetlag.

My second trip to Tokyo has come to and end and yesterday was the longest Monday in history. It started somewhere in the seething belly of Shinjuku as Sunday's clock struck midnight. The morning progressed through a haze of smoky underground pubs and bars with a brief catnap from 6am until 10am, only to begin in earnest an epic day of travel. A bus trip to the airport, 2 painful hours of reliving the 4am tequila shots, and a 9 hour flight back to Vancouver with yet another brief yet deep sleep, only to wake to the glorious sunshine morning of Vancouver at 10am Monday AGAIN. Not wanting another struggle with jetlag, I endured the rest of the day only by consuming coffee (and I still fell asleep standing up for about 15 minutes), and suffering with tunnel vision as my eyesight warped at every turn. I logged another half hour nap before dinner and made it through until 11pm. So all told I managed to make one single day last for THIRTY SEVEN HOURS! No wonder I'm tired!

Tokyo is a sensory delight. The pagoda festivals in Ikebukero, the steamy humid mornings outside the coffee shops, the jarring light of Tokyo station, the tranquil harmonies of the subway PA system, the petite and sparkling footwear of japan's fashionista, the delicate arrangements of prawn kaatsu, the calming taste of hand pressed green tea, the seedy grittiness of Shinjuku at night, the pale green cleanliness of Roppongi Hills in the rain, and the smoky haze of a karaoke room crammed full of friends and strangers. It truly is a memory not soon forgotten.
August 30.04
Bloggy.

I just realized I've been so addicted to blogging at 1UP that I haven't been updating my "official" site much.

So what is new? I just returned from an adventure in San Diego to check out the latest Midway games coming down the pipe. I was thoroughly impressed by the line up and by the company's savvy grab of the Unreal franchise. After clawing my way through avid journalists hogging the UC2 seats, and after a rather enjoyable on camera interview with Dr. Mike Capps (president of Epic and hereafter known as MikeyC), I finally got to sit down and PLAY. I had just finished schooling someone in Mortal Kombat: Deception- playing the Archon interactive chess style game (SO FUN! and ONLINE!). I have to admit that UC2 just FEELS light years better than most FPS games I've touched. Its like the same way McDonald's french fries just taste soooo much better than anyone elses. Its the same ingredients as everyone else, but for some reason they've got a special magic that you can't shake.

In other news, I'm going to Tokyo Game Show in Japan this September. I've always wanted to go and I'm absolutely thrilled to be attending. I spent my time in San Diego running off at the mouth on camera for GameSpy as I interviewed (harassed) random game developers. I now get the privelege of repeating the experience in a country whose language is completely foreign to me. YAY!

July 26.04
Z.Kitty

Justin you made my day with this

I suddenly feel like designing something in flash. Now if only I could figure out how to be reincarnated as a japanese designer... *sigh*

So GPhoria is less than 2 weeks away. I am looking forward to seeing many friends and making some new ones. G4 seems to be getting bigger and better all the time. I'm excited to talk to them about some new show ideas. Its time to make something for the videogame fans who know how great an industry we're involved in. I find it difficult to bridge the gap between the average person's perception of videogames and those who are fanatic about it. Trying to make TV that hits both categories can be tricky. But really, I've given up trying to dissect it. I'm just going to be selfish and make the show that I'd most love to host and produce. And that's definitely going to have a lot of interacting with developers as well as poking fun at some of the stereotypes and absurdities that we see all the time in the games biz. Naturally I would have to BREAK something every episode because its just not possible for me to get through a day without my clumsiness coming into play.

So I'm gonna fly to L.A for the weekend, hang out for a couple days of G4 fun and scrabble competition and then the day I get home to Van, I'm gonna repack my bags and jump into Steph's truck only to roadtrip all the way back to L.A. She's moving to Hermosa Beach so I'm going to be her company for the trip. She's promised we'll get to surf and celebrate my birthday in true SoCal style, and then I'll hop a plane home. Madness! I'm a good friend/biz partner let me tell you! The last soCal birthday celebration with Steph a couple years ago was a great time. We surfed, drank lime margaritas in the sunset, had Coldstone Icecream for dinner and had a serious air hockey beatdown which I won singlehandedly. I'm hoping for a repeat. Undefeated!

July 8.04
Licorice Allsorts.
On my way to watch Spiderman2 last night, I stopped into the quickie mart to hit the cash machine since the theatre I frequent hasn't gotten up to speed with a little phenomenon called "INTERAC". I have enough willpower not to raid the entire candy aisle but I can't resist the big fat twisty yummy grape licorice rods placed temptingly at the front of the aisle. Drew is buying some Glosette Peanuts and hassling me to get to the cash register since its 7:59pm and the movie starts in one minute. The lovely cashier is repetitively scanning the peanuts in the hopes the barcode will be recognized. Ding! Finally goes through and he looks at what I'm running to the counter with. I extend the licorice directly at his face, my mouth already overstuffed with chewy goodness. I want to see if he'll actually try to scan it. He smiles at me endearingly and says, "Oh no, it does not have a barcode". Thank goodness he cleared that up for me. But instead of letting us pay and escape to the movies, he goes into a long winded soliloquy on how in the future there could in fact be barcodes on licorice and if you look at cameras on cell phones its a good example of something we didn't expect to happen 50 years ago so next time I better check my licorice for a digital tag just in case.

I swallow my sugar dose and exclaim, "They have cellphones with cameras in them? No way!" Then I run out the door giggling. One day I might grow up and act like an adult but its doubtful.

Digital Extremes' Pariah has a cover on XBN. Its a headshot of a lead character. She's very pretty. And the feature inside states she doesn't sport the traditional female "assets" seen in most videogames. Are times a'changin???
July 5.04
Visual Mathematician
While waiting for some random CPU intensive process to complete today, I decided to take an online IQ test for fun. I scored a 136 and it told me I am "a Visual Mathematician who is gifted at spotting patterns. This and your overall high intelligence make you good at understanding the big picture."

I'm not sure why but I was flattered at this automated result. Of course, now I'm trying to randomly repeat the score and get higher. I don't even know what the maximum is.

Last night I decided to test my luck on the soccer field, hoping my injuries wouldn't slow me down too much and convinced I'd taken enough of a beating lately for nothing else to go wrong. I was right. Mostly. I felt good on my cleats and taped up my thumb. I got to do some awesome stunt roll work in front of the net on two breakaways where I was slide tackled. I scored the only goal of the game! YAY! And in the last minute of the match I took a ball directly in the face. Ouch! That really stings. Luckily I don't need to think about collagen injections in my lips now. I have found a new way to get the Beestung look.

I also have been nominated by my very shy family to make a speech "on behalf of the family" at my cousin's wedding. Somehow public speaking always manages to find me even when I least expect it.

OH! After Effects makes a lovely sound when it finishes rendering. better get back to work!

July 6.04
Ping.Pong.
Somehow I managed to get involved in a game of table tennis in IKEA of all places. It got rather feisty and we managed to draw a small crowd of onlookers. I don't think it had as much to do with our skillz as it did the ridiculous visual of two people playing ping pong over a swedish modular dinner table amidst a sea of Saturday afternoon furniture shoppers.

It reminded me that where there is a game, there is a way to have a competition. I've been getting alot more press releases lately about Videogame Competitions. I really would like to do some research or a feature on how much money can be made by a "Pro Gamer" and if there is a viable business in the sport of competitive gaming. If Stuff Magazine is sponsoring on of these things, there must be some merit. Although nobody seems to have tapped the "Gamer" demographic via traditional marketing/advertising routes. Maybe this is the new bandwagon?

Competitive Play. Is that an oxymoron? Games are meant to be fun. When you get seriously competitive you say things like "Quit Playing Around". Once you're competing in a game, its not about the "play' element anymore. Its all about WINNING. I mean, this is confusing since the goal of most games is to WIN- which may be a major reason as to why we play. But it's supposed to be about the JOURNEY and not the GOAL right?

I do love to win though. I won another 2 Scrabble matches this weekend. There was an argument over whether BOOZY was a word. And it is!

\Booz"y\, a. A little intoxicated; fuddled; stupid with liquor; bousy.

Go figure.

June 29.04
Loopy.
Its not fair that the radio can put on a song so many times in a day that I am forced to start humming it and singing it and then posting it on my website. What is a Hoobastank anyways? I bought the black eyed peas album finally. Really loving it.

In other news I found out about a local game developer that has got me really interested. They are making a game with (SHOCK!) a Political Agenda. And instead of an epic Kojima anti-war theme, these guys are going for something a little more contained and current. Animal rights and environmental protection! Check it out. Not only does it have a good message, it looks like it could be fun. Who wouldn't want to be a cow on a 10 speed?

Even Cowgirls Get The Blues.

I read that Tom Robbins book when I was 19 and didn't "get it' at all. Later I read Jitterbug Perfume and loved it. He's a compelling author. But my point is that the main character in "Even Cowgirls Get the Blues" suffers from a case of Giant Thumbs. Today I have one single giant immobile thumb that is slowly turning various shades of brownish purple and that hideous puce yellowy color I hate. Bizarre soccerball incident. Regardless, I'm screwed. I can't type without serious effort.

I'm off to handwrite some stuff now. Thank god it was my left hand. I just hope I can get back to sports and videogames by the weekend. Or I will be one seriously grumpy girl to be around.
June 23.04
Reverse Psychology.

Ugh. I hit another car.
Just when I was regaining confidence in my driving skills, no accident reports filed in almost an entire year- and then I have to go and REVERSE into someone. When I had my first car accident in high school- backing into a parked truck and then driving away in a panic only to have the police figure it out in a matter of minutes once they followed the Hansel and Gretel style trail of tail light debris I left between the damaged vehicle and my parent's driveway a mere 100 metres away- my dad installed an embarassing signal on the Camry so that whenever I went into reverse the car would honk like a commercial dumptruck, lights flashing to the world- yes, here she is, the world's worst driver. Watch out, she's going backwards and she most likely doesn't have a clue you're there...

I hadn't had a real tearful cry in ages. Nothing like the shame of hitting another person's prize possesion and then having them belittle and berate you in front of your family to bring on the waterworks. Weird because I've been feeling weepy for no reason all week- even crying in movies like 50 First Dates and Win a Date with Tad Hamilton. And don't bother asking why I'm watching such popcorn flicks- everyone needs an escape sometimes.

Today I'm feeling better because my good friend Tom got engaged. That's exciting! And I got some photos from a friend who is learning photography. I was a subject for a recent trip to the Museum of Anthropology- a gorgeous piece of Vancouver architecture out at my old University. It sits on the cliff overlooking the ocean and I would often climb out and sit over the ocean just to write or think. Good thing I never drove there though because I probably would have backed over the cliff. I guess my chance of getting a Vespa went from SLIM to NONE.

June 21.04
Girls Behaving Badly.

How is it that you can get away with pretty much anything if you are with a group of girls? Women have mastered the art of acting innocent while getting up to no good trouble. This pretty much sums up my weekend bacholerette party in sunny beautiful Whistler. With a 3000sqft "cabin" filled with 20 gorgeous ladies- you can bet madness was on the agenda from the get go. I somehow managed to dance in a cage at the bar- which actually was better than being on the main dance floor where the boys outnumbered the girls 5-1. This should have been fine except for the level of aggresion and competition from the men trying to get their hands on anything female. I'm not sure how anyone was standing up after the number of shooters purchased by members of the opposite sex. I still hate sambuca.

My cousin was a trooper eventhough she didn't quite make it to Saturday night after one too many drinks in the hottub followed by some indian leg wrestling. But I happily filled her shoes again on the dance floor. I have never had such an insane amount of fun in a 48 hour period (atleast not with just girls!). Ladies just now how to organize and carry out FUN. From the paper mache penis pinata to the crazy watersports at the beach- I was laughing morning to night and into the morning again.

This summer is going to be trouble- 4 weddings, 2 big birthday bashes and a roadtrip with Steph... Where will I find time to work?!

June17.2004
Year of Rage.

3 things to mention before I ditch my computer for a sunny beach afternoon of writing and pondering... One) I was in the National Post yesterday, quoted in an article by the ubiquitous media guru, Marc Saltzman who wrote an article on girls getting more into games. I haven't seen the article but friends and family called to mention it- and to exclaim, "You sound intelligent!". I love backhanded compliments. I'll dig out the article one day to see what I said, but its funny how I don't really NEED to see it. I recall the phone conversation with Marc and I've answered the girl gamer question so many times, I think I'm kinda over it. We did talk about the Sims though. And I'm very intrigued by the URBZ. A game based on your reputation. Must play that.

Two) Speedos have a place on the beach contrary to popular belief. Yesterday eve, Steph and I hit English Bay at 6pm for prime evening summer sunshine. Of course the beach was packed with very buff, very homosexual men( Its the west end so its to be expected, and it is a lovely sight let me tell you). But for every hot guy, there is the aging skeleton sporting a lime green speedo and the remnants of a beer gut. And for some reason, this makes me giggle. The speedo is truly an entertaining fashion device. Of course, we're bored as we do the billionth take of "Hi I'm Zoe, And I'm Steph, you're watching Hardcore Candy on Varsity TV". So we decide to spice it up. First I do a take that surprises Steph because she's in the middle of saying something ridiculous like "HOT GIRL ACTION" and I decide to cop a feel. She gives off the best girly scream- very unrehearsed and spontaneous. I'm pretty sure its a take we'll keep, even if just for our own personal outtake reel. And finally, Mr. Speedo is standing full frontal as we try to shoot and I can't stop giggling. So I ask the Camera Guy to shoot Mr Speedo as he does his pre-swim stretch, and then to pan over to me for my line. "If you're tired of this scene at your local beach... come check out HCC on VTV". Priceless. Mostly because as the shot started, Mr Speedo did a full bend over butt shot to camera. I nearly fell off the driftwood log.

Three) It is decidedly my year of rage. Something happened when I turned 30. I no longer have as big an issue with personal confrontation. I have been in 3 yelling matches this year that made me feel quite empowered. Last night during our hockey match against a ridiculously bad team who think that slashing, hooking and boarding are the only ways to get the puck, one of my linemates who is tiny, got hit from behind in the last 3 minutes of the game which we were winning 4-0. And I went INSANE. Something came over me and I started jumping up and down on the bench, screaming at the top of my lungs to the entire arena. I ranted for about 3 minutes at the travesty that was committed against my friend and linemate. I threatened the other team and the coach, who had to come over to talk to me and boy did he get an earful to the point he finally had to apologize to me before I would let him talk.

I'm like the hulk, Instead of turning green though, I turn purple. Boy was I fired up. Its my biggest pet peeve in hockey. Recreational sports aren't supposed to leave you with a head injury. This was the simple point I was trying to make. I couldn't get to sleep since I was so fired up so I cued up Full Spectrum Warrior. Still, I'm only a partial spectrum warrior after a solid 6 hours invested in the game.

Maybe I should listen to my darling friend and take up yoga instead of just sporting the pants.
June 16.04
sunshine and lollipops.

Its stunningly beautiful outside today. Vancouver skies are the truest blue you've ever seen. No clouds, the mountains still frosted with ice at their peaks, a slight cool breeze so it doesn't feel too hot, and the ocean reflecting the brilliant glassy sparkle of the downtown skyline. This city rocks my world on days like this. Flip flops and capris, tank top and shades. What am I doing inside? The weekend will bring record highs which works out well for my girl's weekend in Whistler. The "cabin" we're staying at is a 3 story mansion on a half acre lot with private hot tub. Sounds like we'll be roughing it. I imagine the lake will still be too cold to swim in since the Spring ski session is still running. Alteast on the glacier.

So I'm watching Jeopardy alot lately because they've taken away the rule that says if you win for 3 days, you have to leave and let someone else win. There is this guy who I swear is a ROBOT. Not only has he won for 10 straight days but he absolutely massacres the competition. The two victims beside him are lucky if they answer more than 2 questions the whole show! Its getting a bit silly because Alex and "Ken" have this little rapport now everytime it comes to a daily double. They are buddies. Alex trying to get him to make it a TRUE daily double, Ken smirking and reminding Alex that he's a fan of even numbers. I don't know how one person can know so many innane facts. I can answer a couple random questions a show but really I watch to perhaps learning something. And this week I DID.

I absolutely Love Love Love CHUPA CHUPS. They are the most awesome lollipops. I have always liked the funky text logo too. Well, I learned from Ken and Alex that the logo was designed by the one and only surrealist painter Salvador Dali. I found this to be a most entertaining piece of trivia. Mostly I just wanted a sucker though. I did know that Chupa Chup comes from the Spanish verb for Lick/Suck. Licky Licks sounds pretty good too but its not as fun to say. Get a banana chocolate one if you can. Its a little orb of heavenly goodness.

Today I have a shoot with Steph and a camera guy. We're shooting throws for Hardcore Candy now that its airing on a college network called Varsity TV in the USA. Basically we get to make asses of ourselves on camera together which I find so simple to do with her. We revert to 18 year olds when we're in the same room together. We're also shooting intros for a few new projects we're building teases for over the next month. Its nice to be in pre-production. I think its my favorite part of making TV. The brainstorms and creative development is so liberating and rewarding. I saw an ad for a bizarre new series on AMC called "Into Character" where they get the average joe to recreate a favorite movie moment like Rocky vs Apollo or Richy Valens singing La Bamba... I'm not sure what I think about it yet.

Next week I have to give a talk on a panel about "Digital Filmmaking". I always get nervous about public speaking. Atleast I'm not the only one who has to get up and talk- and I'll have video/laptop accesories to fiddle with to help prevent mass panic. I'm pretty excited about the event though just because there's a couple videogame panels that sound super cool and Bioware's Dr. Ray will be on hand with the latest code for Jade Empire.

In other news, I dreamt about a giant toad (like 10x my size). It wasn't scary- particularly because I really like amphibians. I was on a long straight road in the middle of nowhere and it was sticky hot. The toad was blocking my path. I don't know what it means, but I woke up with that sensation of wishing the dream wasn't over.

June 16.04
smeared.

So I'm making this crazy scrapbook for my cousin's bachelorette party this weekend. I have to glue a bunch of construction paper so I've invested in a nice fat glue stick. It is now my nemesis. How are you supposed to apply glue to the entire back surface of paper without having to touch it when you flip it over and stick it down? And the glue stick has a habit of gumming up and rolling over my index finger on my left hand. On top of this, the scrapbook is made of black cardboard paper that mixes with the glue stick and turns my fingers black. None of this mattered much until about an hour ago, after I returned from lunch and cruising about my office being a social butterfly. I made a pitstop in the bathroom to discover that I had gummy black smudges and smears all over my cheeks, nose and even my chin. And in my hair. Somehow I managed to get more glue on myself than on the book where the edges are STILL refusing to stay down, and the glue has made the black paper all grey and shiny and ugly. No wonder I sucked at art in grade school. Apparently I lack the finesse.

This does present another issue (besides the fact that nobody mentioned my dirty face). Why do I touch my face so much without knowing it? What is there that I am attending to? I don't have any sort of rash. Yes, my hair has a tendency to flop in my eyes and on my cheeks but then I should have more marks around my ears and forehead. I am going to try to document when I touch my face today to solve this mystery.

Yes I'm obviously still rendering. Why else would I write such crap?
Smeared was actually one of my fave albums of all time by a little Canadian band called SLOAN. I had the biggest crush on one of the members. His name is Chris and he seems like a cocky bastard. So I liked him. Go figure. Their music changes every album but I love bands where all members can sing and play instruments. Watching them in concert is such a treat. They switch up in the middle of things so that the guy on drums is suddenly playing guitar. And they are relatively obscure so you can still see them in a smaller venue. Very Important.

I had my best soccer game ever last night eventhough I had a total breakaway and shot the ball directly into the goalie's hands. I have considered taking back medication before every game now. But I actually think my improvement came from the new fresh white socks I had, and the inspiration of watching the Euro Cup.

I JUST TOUCHED MY NOSE! No reason. I pushed on it and squished it. Interesting.
I've been writing a game design idea for Hardcore Candy. Its Sim TV Producer meets Tony Hawk meets Ico. Sounds pretty BOSS hey? Just you wait...

Have you ever had a favorite perfume that you can spray and suddenly, Boom! You're flooded with memories of when you wore it? I used to sport Electric Youth by Debbie Gibson back in the late 80's. I think it was just a bottle of sugar water because it had a ridiculous sugar smell. And I swear I got a whiff of it this week. Totally took me back to my not-so electric youth. What I hate though is when you have a scent you love and it starts to fade. So you sit with the last evaporating drops of it and inhale as hard as you can in the hopes you can keep the scent alive, and thus the memories it creates. Is this just me? Scent is a powerful thing.

Right now all I can smell is gluestick.

June 15.04
part deux.

A few weeks ago I went to a birthday party and met some girls who were introduced as Jack and Carl. I thought this strange but didn't want to risk being impolite if in fact the two had been cursed with boy names despite being obviously female. When my friend Tammy arrived and they called her Tom, I got the picture. There is something entertaining about calling somebody by a name of the opposite sex. Jamie (guy) arrived and he is known as Joanie. This is thoroughly fun to yell out across the room or at the baseball diamond as he slams out a home run. You go Girl!

So my mischevious side, also known fondly as ZACH, came out on Saturday as I was introduced to a pile of girls I had never met and have a major fear of forgetting someone's name. So I decided to skip learning the femine titles and planted male nicknames on all of them. A lovely east indian girl whose name I could not pronounce became known as BILL. The bride, Virginia sported the title VIRGIL all evening. This must sound ridiculous to most people but when I'm yelling out to Craig and Carl and Cory and Marty- it makes me giggle to no end. Yes I am easily entertained.

Its one of those days today when I can write a million miles an hour and because I've got time to kill between render sessions- I'm bored out of my mind. And uncomfortable. I am decidedly old as I have developed an insane back issue. Apparently, while I barely recall the episode, I suffered a massive back spasm at 2am Sunday morning and collapsed in a chair, crying incoherently. I was reminded of this on Sunday afternoon while running to first base and literally having the wind knocked out of from the inside as my back seized violently. It was rather dramatic, people running about the field trying to help me thinking I'd blown my knee because I was doubled over clenching my kneecaps for dear life.

Today I am a cripple. I have soccer tonight and if I have to play hopped up on Robaxacet again, the team will not be impressed. My last game on said drug resulted in alot of me staring up into the sky with a dazed look while the other team walked around me with the ball. Maybe I should stick to sports in videogames for awhile. Its problematic because I get so ansy and I have a ton of physical energy to burn. Maybe I should start swimming again. Thank god summer is around the corner and the ocean will be warm enough to play in.

I'm watching slo-mo shots of myself snowboarding and wakeboarding. Ouch. No wonder my back is a mess. I can't believe I might be throwing myself off a bridge on Friday for my first bungie jump. Maybe it will reset my spine for good? I can hardly wait for the report 10 years from now on the long term effects of chucking yourself off an extreme height on a giant rubber band.

Render complete.

June 15.04
animal party.

So Saturday was girls night out for 12 lovely ladies celebrating the impending knot tieing of my gorgeous friend Virginia. I worked all of Saturday with Steph trying to finish up the DVD which is sooooo close to being complete. It was nice to have her look at my work with fresh eyes and see her excitement over the product. I've opted for a serious basic design take since I HATE watching DVD's that have fancy menus that take forever to cue up. I'm all about instant gratification. Anyways I wasn't so much in the mood for a night of being the Bar Star brigade, but like the trooper I am, I downed a few fruity drinks and stepped into my favorite black stilettos- the ones that I feel like a grown up in but that become rather hazardous after the third martini.

Arriving at a swanky downtown apartment with the whole gaggle of girls, we proceeded to serve up ridiculous girly concoctions like double chocolate martinis and green apple nightmares. At this point we all donned our "DUMP HIM" tshirts which was rather upsetting because I imagined they would be barstar black- a color anyone can pull off. Alas, the many brunettes in the room must have conspired against the 3 blondes because the shirts were the most devastatingly bland shade of BEIGE. And all blondes know that BEIGE is our fashion nemesis. Last year when it was all about CAMEL I had a fit and only found ways to incorporate the color into my footwear. Of course, my fashion forward thinking friend Corinne came up with a plan for us to wear black tank tops underneath and then CUT UP the beige shirts a la Britney Spears meets the 80's version of the Bangles.

It was hilarious. The trend caught on and suddenly we had 12 girls in variously massacred tshirt hybrids including the bride who went for the tube top. It was like Americas Top Model with martinis and scissors. The night went a bit sideways from there including a stint of "runway" competition on the bar dancefloor. Stilletos made their money that night. But the danger zone set in before midnight and I had to bench myself from the festivities after a precarious near fall from dancing on the bar. What am I? 19 again? I know. I gave myself a good talking to in the bathroom and hightailed it out of there. Of course the place to meet in this state is the local "Fry House"- FRITZ! Its a tiny shoppe that sells nothing but variations of french fries with amazing dips. Or you can have poutine- the famous Quebec speciality of fries topped with cheese curds and gravy. Its vile but if you've had one too many, it seems like heaven in a styrofoam cup.

Interestingly, I ran into some game design friends from BlackBox EA- the dudes who make NHL. I recall trying to sound intelligent and having the art director giggling at me. This sent up a huge red flag to call a cab and get myself home.

Sunday morning- baseball game. Head pounding. Never again. I barely survived the 7th inning and spent most of the day on the couch playing Shrek2. I must have some friends come over to play Gauntlet style. L'il Red kicks ass and the gingerbread man has a wicked projectile candy cane. I haven't even seen the film yet. But I think its about 5th on the list right now. I'm dying to see Alfonso Cuaron's version of Harry Potter. And I can't wait to see SAVED.

Amidst the couch potato-ness I had to entertain Drew's stepmom and brother who dropped in with some homemade cookies. Surprise! There was still a beercan pyramid on the table from the boy's night before hand and it was rather embarassing. The visit focussed mainly on 19 year old Ronnie who is a massive UT fan begging me to get him a job in the "industry" and demanding I take him to E3 next year. He had a fit when he found out I walked the show with THE CLIFFYB as he was mobbed by fans. I think it inspired him to go home and start getting serious about level design.

Crazy weekend.
june 10.04
freefall.

My cousin is getting married in July and thus 'tis the season for the STAGETTE. I just found out that americans call such events "bachelorette parties" and my british family refers to it as "hen night". Here in Canada we go with Stagette. I have one in town this weekend which involved everyone wearing tshirts that say "Ditch Him" and hanging out a gangster rap bar. It will be a relatively new experience for me but I'm excited nonetheless.

However, its the Whistler weekend I am more thrilled to plan for. My cousin and I have always been close, being only one year apart and both going through Big Hair phases at the same time. She was the city girl and I was the country kid. So we will be celebrating in City meets Country style at the great resort of Whistler. I am trying to set up a Bungie Jump for her as a surprise, something I am deathly afraid of but would love to maliciously coherse someone else into. Insert Evil Laugh here.

Its raining again and I'm going to abuse my self employment to sit in the theatre FINALLY to catch The Day After Tomorrow. I love days like this when its so cool and wet that nothing feels better than ducking into the dark coziness of an arcade and snuggling up with the old Time Crisis or Jurassic Park games. Does anyone else remember Pinbot? I sure loved that baby.

The DVD is converting my uncompressed materials into squishy MPEG goodness as I type. Chug. Chug. Chug. Need...more....RAM...

I was watching Comedy's Last Comic Standing last night... awesome comedians and I love Jay Mohr as a host, as anything for that matter. I have such respect for people who can get up and speak to an audience AND be funny. Serious talent. I have to give a presentation at VIDFEST in a couple weeks and I always stress about public speaking. Thank god it will be dark and I can rely on video to take the pressure off. Maybe I'll try to be funny. Usually it happens when I don't try because I have a tendency to fall over or trip on thin air.

The funniest thing I've seen in awhile is Eddie Izzard on DVD doing a bit on Darth Vadar and the Deathstar. Find it and WATCH it. I nearly laughed myself to the point of vomiting. Seriously.

june 9.04
broken spokes.

Whoever invented the FAX machine should be shot. In this day and age I see no good reason to use this archaic technology. I mean, I can still find an occasional use for a VCR. But lets be honest here. When was the fax ever a good thing? Hi. Here is an email for you to print out on paper and then recode into little sequences of 0's and 1's so that someone on the other end can print it out and then probably have to refax it to someone else who will waste even more paper. I have a digital fax service. Its called EMAIL! I know that I must sign things first and its kinda painful to scan the pages back in and email them to people who are incapable of working an attachment file. Trust me. Its a common occurence. And I do kinda like the noise a fax makes. But other than that, enough! I'm over it. Let's move on and get digital signatures already.

Avid is a hog. It is a program that thinks it is an elitist. My computer just became a SNOB. I am angry. Someone decided that it would be fun to design editing software to output a very special little video format of its own. (AIF anyone?). Of course, if you want to encode this video to the web or DVD you must first convert it into an AVI or something equally universal. But of course, everytime I go to output a quick 10 minute chunk of video... well...it takes a year and at 99% complete...KABOOM! Avid turns up its nose at me and flips me the finger. It mocks me... it says you are cheap and you should but MORE expensive snobby AVID products that can output for the web and DVD without using someone else's free or exponentially cheaper software. Thank god for Final Cut Pro. These guys seem to get it. The everyman's editing tool. Unfortunately, Final Cut Pro suffers from MacSnobbery. Or it did when I was purchasing software 2 years ago. I have an investment in Avid unfortunately. My precious little dongle costs more than a small car. Or atleast a motorbike.

I'm still lobbying friends and family to support me on my quest for a dirtbike or even a Vespa this summer. Too many people think I will crash and injure myself. I have even suggested staying within a 3 block radius of home. Unfortuantely, that's where most accidents occur. So I suggested walking it for 3 blocks and then starting it up. I used to ride dirtbikes as a kid and only hurt myself a little bit. I haven't given up hope yet!

In other news... The DVD is almost done. I won 3 more games of scrabble, completed 2 expert crosswords and scored a wicked topshelf goal in co-ed hockey. But I have been humbled by the number of times I get lost playing Riddick. Somebody turn on the lights! PLEASE!

Note to self: Disable text messaging after the second glass of wine.

It was a rather emotional weekend for me. Calgary has the Stanley Cup in their grasp- the chance to win it on home turf and bring the Cup back to Canada where it belongs! And despite outplaying Tampa, they just couldn't put it away in OT... It was incredible to watch the fans here in Vancouver on Saturday night. The bars and restaurants were overflowing! The mood was fantastic, strangers chatting and cheering together. I love hockey season! Of course, as soon as Tampa scored in sudden death, about half the seats cleared out. But it was good while it lasted.

I decided to run with some investigatieve journalism, querying the patrons as to whether they were actual hockey and/or Calgary fans, or just looking for a reason to go out and party. It was the latter in most cases. Tonight is game 7 in Tampa. I am so anxious today I can barely focus.

Last night I watched Love Actually. Great movie. I just about lost it when the character who was in love with his best friend's wife did his little silent cue card message. The aging rockstar was brilliant. I found myself angry that there wasn't more of everyone's stories. I wanted to know more about all the characters. Emma Thompson is still incredible. She somehow always nails the emotions of a strong woman with a fractured self esteem.

I assembled an IKEA wall unit by myself this weekend. I have always said that IKEA should have their own version of the ESRB rating system. *Warning- Couples of less than 2 years should not attempt assembly. Inevitable angry breakup will result*--- Building IKEA furniture is alot like playing games. Once you do it enough and become familiar with the design basics, you have a much better chance of figuring it out. I just would LOVE to meet the guy who comes up with the pictograph directions.

RIDDICK. RIDDICK. RIDDICK.
Get the game and play it. Trust me.

Its funny that a few months ago I was in L.A at a party where I was introduced to the Starbreeze development team from Sweden. At this point I hadn't seen much of the Riddick game they were designing and the best Swedish export I could think of was a tie between Chocolate and Marcus Naslund. Both yummy.

The night went a bit sideways including a strange water drenched wrestling match at The Standard and some antics including a swedish, or perhaps just a Starbreeze, favorite display of affection called in English "The Gaystack". This is like our version of the dogpile.

Needless to say, this was an entertaining bunch and I'm so happy for their success with the game. It seems doubly sweet since its a movie license game which usually equates to absolute suckage.

In other news, I spent last night at a play. My darling "brother" Simon (we've adopted each other) is a talented actor/writer/bartender who grabbed his 3 bartending friends (also fellow actors) and the four of them put on a show called "Face Full of Theatre". Of course, I had to show my support despite misgivings that it would be silly or obscure "theatre" that I couldn't relate to. I should have given him some credit... the compilation of about 15 skits- most comedy with the occasional poignant short drama- was FANTASTIC. I went from polite attendee to rabid clap happy fan. I wish I had some of the skits to post here- priceless. Reminded me that you can have an outlet for your craft even if it doesn't reach the mainstream public. I really hope he gets a break though. The world would be better off with his humor on primetime. It was like watching SNL but better.

My IP phone is here! Still don't think I can let go of my "Brick"...

Dan Brown is an interesting author. I loved Da Vinci Code and so I decided to pick up Deception Point in the airport coming home from E3. He has mastered the concept of a page-turner and creating a story that leads you to believe you know what the truth is. And then he springs it on you that you're WAY off. Well, it worked on me in Da Vinci Code but I knew what was coming in Deception Point. But nonetheless I enjoyed the read. Then I started into an old Neal Stephenson novel, The Diamond Age. But I just couldn't get into it. I missed the page turner goodness of Dan Brown. I hate it when that happens. You go through withdrawl from characters that become real in your mind. And when its over, you miss them like you miss a good friend you actually know exists. And you can't tell people around you about how much you miss these "figments" because they just have no idea what you're talking about. Doesn't stop me from missing them just the same. I also find I like a book more if I end up relating it to the time I read it. Like E3 and this book. Weird how they become intertwined.

I have wanted to see a movie this week and its already wednesday and I have hockey so I know I won't get to it and tomorrow my friend's play is debuting and Friday is hockey. Maybe I will skip out to a matinee and see The Day After Tomorrow. That Jake Gyllenhall or however you spell it is hot. Oh and the effects look decent :)

Could someone please make a game about natural disasters and having to either create them or avoid them or both. I think I'd be a good candidate for creating them (THE ZOE EFFECT)! Instead of State of Emergency you could have "MASS PANIC" or something equally greivous as you mess with the environment and wreak havoc.

I swear games are going to be the best way to teach kids about environmental awareness.

Some kind soul out there actually wanted to know what slow songs I had on my playlist- and you know, I'm kinda embarrassed to say what some of them are- total guilty pleasures. I suppose if I can admit to having Air Supply's "All Out Of Love" on there, I can cop to some other outdated power ballards like GNR's "November Rain"... always loved that song. The funny thing is that I have a whole list but sometimes I fall for one song that I just have to listen to over and over again. Right now its Evanescence's "My Immortal". They are coming to Van in July with Seether! I tried to sing it on the way to soccer last night but it was so loud I couldn't hear my own voice (this is a good thing!). I am happy to report I didn't crash the Jetta although I did make about 4 wrong turns, and then purposely drove in circles on the way home to maximize my listening/singing time.

I am seriously obsessed with the new 1up website. I can't stop posting and reading other people's posts and joining clubs. I found out today there is a fanclub for my articles in OPM and I was thoroughly tickled and flattered and spastically happy about it. I joined my own fanclub which I think is funny since I am probably my biggest fan.

www.ogamo.com --- see for yourself! My club is in miscellaneous where it should be :)

For some reason I am much more creative when I listen to sappy slow songs. My parents had an Air Supply record in their collection when I was young. I used to listen to it and lie under the coffee table drawing. Maybe that's where it started. But I've just made a collaboration of ridiculously sad songs to work to. I also like to listen to them when I drive so I can sing really loud (eventhough I CAN NOT SING!). Unfortunately, the entire long list of car accidents I've been in (or caused) have had one common thread. I've always been singing at the top of my lungs. Apparently I'm not good at multitasking once I leave the office and enter a vehicle.

I was thinking about Red Ninja today. Mostly because I think that Ninjas are the coolest thing EVAR. The best part of The Last Samurai was the Ninja versus Samurai showdown. That should have been a good hour of the flick. But I really hope Red Ninja can pull it together and be a cool game. It even has a butterfly that flutters around you. Love this touch.

Watched STUCK ON YOU last night and actually enjoyed it. Didnt' feel like a Farrelly Bros movie. Matt Damon cracks me up. The scene with the 2 of them in goal... I fell out of my chair. Literally!

Still dying to see Eternal Sunshine. Sounds like my kind of thing...

It's like karma! I was updating my personal interests on the new beta site for www.1up.com which is like FRIENDSTER for gamers and its very rockful... and of course I put a key personal interest as "SHOES". Sure, make fun of me but its as if I paid homage to the shoe gods because lo and behold about 15 minutes ago a mysterious box appears on my desk. Within it, one very dashing pair of bright red and white summery flipflops! I LOVE THEM! Time to change my toe polish to match :)

Today I was kicking around MTV Canada to do my first sneak previews of the games I saw at E3. Its alot harder than I thought to dedicated two full minutes of time to talking about a single game. I couldn't do it. I had to stop alot and I'm quite sure they have the world's longest and most physical blooper reel. I can't just say, WOOPS. I have to lash out and try to kick something or jump out of the chair. Hopefully they will edit together nicely and nobody will notice how scatterbrained I actually am!

Did anyone else read this? If you play games, you're bound to have an opinion. I think the concept is coming from the right place but I don't think its a good idea to rely on reviewers to decide whether a game makes more or less money. Its sad that such incentives need to be offered honestly! What happened to just working your ass off to make a great game?

I am petrified of bungie jumping and I'm going to try it soon. I'm trying tp push my boundaries a bit- see where it leads me.

I saw Troy the other night. I thought it was made by either 2 directors or one that, like me, has multiple personalities. Most of the "epic" battle scenes and for much of the first act, I was in full YAWN mode. But then, boom, suddenly, there would be this glorious close up profile shot of Brad Pitt's eye or Hector's helmet. It was two completely distinct styles overlapping and it really messed with my head. I felt that in one moment I was swept up in the love story and tension and then, boom, emotionally disconnected from the whole thing in an instant. Rather exhausting on my senses...

Its worth seeing just for the Achilles versus Hector scene. I have to admit I found Eric Bana mucho sexier than the ol' BP. Even with the nude bit- which was rather flat. I thought they could have just as easily green screened the girl in because I sensed zero passion- and this is pivotal to the storyline in understanding the warrior's motivations later on. Peter O'Toole stole the movie IMHO.

I'm going camping this weekend for a baseball tourney, which means 4 days without an internet or cell phone connection. How will I survive without my TXT messaging??? Maybe its good to deprive yourself everyone once in awhile and remind yourself what life was like before technology went and made it all complicated. Imagine using a phone book again or having to phone everyone from a land line. On second thought, things might be easier now! Thought nothing can replace a good face to face chat. I really love the great outdoors (as long as their is beer and bug repellent). I don't care so much about the baseball although I think it will do me good to swing the bat and get out some of my frustrations over not being dialed into my digital world

HAPPY LONG WEEKEND>....

E3 in LA
steals my soul and my senses.
Take me back again.

I love haiku. Its appropriate that a japanese poetic style sum up my feeling about the last week of my life. Honestly, after hitting this event for 7 years, I have to admit that this year might just have changed my life! For the first time I was able to spend almost ALL my time playing games. Granted I was preoccupied with thoughts about the ongoing secret meetings I was entertaining, but I still managed to enjoy the thrill of the show floor. Its funny because every year I expect it to be less and less a big deal that I'm a girl who plays games, but this year gave me plenty of time and exposure to realize that some things take a long time to sink in.

I was lucky enough to stay out in Westwood, away from the downtown madness where I often couldn't sleep due to the fear someone would break into my hotel room. This also meant I could hang out with friends in the area who were willing to become my latest Scrabble victims. After a sound 5 game drubbing, one opponent tried to use a round of Mojito's to foil me. Alas, my 66 point score on ASEXUAL sealed his fate. We should have stuck to our previous activity of stalking celebrity game designers. But I digress, back to the real games of the show!

I missed part of the show on Wednesday as I pretended to be a Hollywood TV Producer but found myself ripping through the South Hall all afternoon trying to decide what to play first. Naturally I hit the Konami booth first to check out the new MGS3 trailer and gameplay demo. I was not disappointed! This version has you playing as Naked Snake- I wonder if Kojima is sending me a secret message? I would really like to get inside his brain! I just can't believe how quickly I get pulled into his games- his cinematic direction and ability to create atmosphere cannot be beat. I was waiting to play which was infuriating as I watched some kid blow through all the cutscenes and text messages so I had no idea what the story was about. This generation suffers from massive ADD. Slow down a second and LISTEN! Why play an MGS game if you aren't interested in a story???

I did also have a pleasant surprise at Konami as I checked out Rumble Roses, the all female wrestling game. This tipped me off to the latest trend of upcoming games, something I titled "BACK AND BAM". Basically, female game characters are evolving to be stronger and also to sport some amount of "junk in the trunk". Beyonce and J.Lo backsides abound this year and I'm totally digging it. Rumble Roses was probably the sexiest game even more so than the Playboy Mansion game (and possibly the Playboy mansion party!). It didn't matter to me that I didn't know it was a wrestling game and not a dancing title.

Next stop. Ubisoft. The Prince is back in action and looking HOT. He is so Johnny Depp this time. Darker and slicker and altogether sexier. The action looked killer. I didn't stay long as I had a date with Devil May Cry 3 and Resident Evil 4- both of which rocked my world and Dante gets my vote for second sexiest game character with one Solidus Snake capturing the number one spot forever and EVAR! Sorry, I'm talking sex appeal alot. But honestly, it was a huge theme this year. Not just with female characters!

I had to stop in at EA to mess with LOTR: Battle for Middle Earth. I've always been a PC strategy maniac ever since Warcraft and C&C. So this game is bringing me back home to the genre I adore. Rome Total War also made me itch to play an epic BraveHeart inspired battle. And Warhammer looked pretty too- I got emotional in the demo because of the opera music. Amazing how a song can stick in your head about something and just grip your heart...
While at EA, of course I saw Def Jam 2 which continues with the Hip Hop inspired sex appeal. Hip Hop, Urban, Gangsta games are all the rage. Thanks GTA! Gamers are a gritty bunch apparently. Thank god I got to check out Nintendo's Pikmin2 and Sly Cooper2 to brighten up the mood. Not to forget a little game called Chulip- thanks Justin!

Anyone who has spoken to me in the past week must be surprised that I still haven't mentioned the game that stole my heart at the show. I'm saving the best for last. I've barely commented on one DAY of gaming goodness. I must mention my experience at the Namco booth as I checked out Death by Degrees- the Nina Tekken game. I got so into the demo which at first didn't do anything for me. Using the dual analog control for fighting instead of button mashing felt somewhat disassociative at first. But then I got the hang of it and found myself throwing critical attacks all over the place. What I didn't know was that the booth I was playing at was actually controlling the big screen above. And I had attracted quite a crowd of onlookers as I played- probably because I was dressed all girly and making little girly grunting noises each time I attacked something... At the beginning of the demo, one nice PR rep said "Hi honey, do you need helping getting out of the menu screen?". I understand he didn't want me to be intimidated but this was slightly condescending and only fueled my desire to hurt things more. At the end, he was so overly impressed by my skillZ that he gave me a copy of an old Xbox game because as he informed me in his sacharine voice... "this game you are playing isn't out yet". K. Thanks buddy.

This theme also repeated itself at countless booths as I approached a machine and was instantly "rescued" by a strapping PR geek each time. Next year, I will sport a tshirt that says "I'm an effeminate male. Leave me alone." However, it wouldn't be nearly as fun as watching the looks on their faces as I tear up the game in record time. Almost as rewarding as my own face when I got ID'd at the door because you have to be 18 to get in to E3! That made me blush :)

Due to the plethora of gaming goodness at the show, I was surprisingly well behaved on the party scene this year and actually saw my hotel room for more than a couple hours a night! I went against my pact not to play first person shooters after checking out Pariah- a new game from Digital Extremes- the dudes who worked on Unreal with Epic. And then sessioning on the Doom3 Xbox demo which took me back to the good ol' days of running Bliink (Network Gaming Centre)... but really it just made me want to play Quake or Unreal on a PC. I feel like I did the FPS thing so hardcore and so long ago that when I listen to people spazzing about Halo2 and Pandora Tomorrow- well I just can't find the requisite excitement needed to get involved. What a snob hey? Its just there are TOO many games to be able to play them all so you have to be picky. Just like how I ADMIRE all the MMORPGs coming out but know full well I will never play them because I have a life that lacks the average 6hrs a day required to participate. I'm not saying World of Warcraft didn't make me WANT to play. I just know when my addictive personality is in trouble. Stay away. Far away. Kudos to Bioware for Jade Empire btw... the PhDs of sexiness in games..

Thursday of the show, I finally got around to hitting the Sony booth- something I was anticipating like Christmas because it took 2 hands to count the number of games they were showing that I knew I wanted to play. The PS2 still has a lot of life left in it and, while I'm becoming more and more of an Xbox fan all the time, I still LOVE LOVE LOVE my Sony. And I can't say just PS2 anymore. By far the highlight of the show was the PSP PlayStation Portable gaming unit that completely redefines the concept of gaming related SEXINESS. I wanted to LICK the screen and nibble on the clear trigger buttons. I just about passed out when I saw the Z.Flo yellow version that I MUST MUST MUST have. MUST HAVE! NOW!!! And the icing on the cake- they've already announced a special Metal Gear PSP game galled Metal Gear: ACID! Can't wait!

Okay, but seriously, getting on with the games- I really enjoyed my time in the "Platform Zone" checking out Jak3, Ratchet and Clank3 and Sly Cooper 2. Sly has a special warm spot in my heart and the parts I played made me equally warm and fuzzy. Dancing with carmelita like a beat game that rewards you with information for doing well- that was COOL. I caught a sneak peak of GT4- not my bag but still very beautiful- The Getaway2 and Killzone caught my attention and of course FFXII had to be adored. But the game that stole all of my free moments that should have been used over at the Nintendo booth was something called "GOD OF WAR". Plenty of journalists made the comment that it looked pretty and had some cool elements to it- but they were all too busy drooling over Halo2 and the Half Life 2 demo (which was a special moment for me. my hands were sweating happily as the screen filled with a 50ft strider alien. WOW! It was like a Dark Crystal moment...). Granted, its "JUST" another third person action game not unlike Devil May Cry or BloodRayne or Mark of Kri or Ninja Gaiden or Prince of Persia... so yeah, there's plenty of saturation in the genre which is perhaps why people weren't getting hotter and heavier over this thing. But you have no idea what this game has done for my mindset. After years of playing progressively more and more complex, technologically advanced, ultra epic, ultra massive original creative games- God of War took me BACK to a place I've been missing since I was a kid. Never has something felt so good in my hands. The controller melted away and I was completely enthralled by the visual action elements, while thoroughly pleased by the cerebral puzzling in the game. Package it all up in a Greco-Roman "Clash of the Titans" outfit and you've got one incredibly fun game. I tried to walk away from the demo 3 times. I couldn't let it go. I dreamt about it. I wanted to play it and, even better, I wanted EVERYONE around me to play it. I dragged my game design buddy CliffyB (of Unreal FAME) to the Sony booth against his will and watched with sheer joy and he got hooked just like me. My only wish was that there was a versus mode to kick each others' asses with the ridiculously evil and violent moves in the game. At one point you rip off medusa's head and use it to turn your victims to stone. It is so thoroughly rewarding! Not to mention using a Track&Field like button response to take down a minotaur. Thanks David Jaffe for the demo... I must have MORE.

Speaking of CliffyB, it was cool to tour the floor briefly with a game designer to see how they decipher their competition. Granted it would have been nice if I could have actually talked to the guy while we were walking around but he was too busy getting attacked by his fans. At one point my girlfriend Kelly and I were walking through Kentia hall with him and we were asked if we were CliffyB's "Official Posse". I went with it for fun because its nice to see game designers getting the respect they deserve. Even if he likes it a little too much :) www.cliffyb.com

I think that pretty much covers the games. I had a cool experience doing a show for CNN with some other lovely ladies who work for Ziff Davis. Dana, Jen, Kirsten and Jeannie and I got to hang out together and talk games which was a highlight for me. It was a most powerful couch of ladies and drew an instant crowd of course. I think maybe people thought we were some sort of ragtag B-List booth babe assortment (I still say we're hotter than those spandex clad hussies!)... I had to discuss a new game being billed for "Mommies" that acts as a fitness and diet manager- its for Xbox! What's up with that??? I wasn't very nice :)

There was so many other cool moments I haven't even touched on. Dancing in front of Sugar Ray with one of his picks stuck to my forehead, catching up with old friends, mingling with the G4 peeps, the yearly Ziff party at the pool, blushing while talking to Tetsuya Mizaguchi, feeding grapes to monkeys at the Playboy Mansion, Tal and I in the grotto, surviving Ray's drunken beating on the Sony bus, and the bestest moments- going to bed each night knowing that I was in the midst of one of the coolest weeks I've ever had.

I'm pacing my office floor today getting ready to depart for Los Angeles. I'm trying to warm up my feet for the 5 days of relentless convention hall walking and late night high heeled dancing that is bound to take place over the next week. I should book a foot massage now for the day I get home. I know I should pack some practical footwear like orthopedically reinforced arch supported flat soft squishy runners. But the black high heels are more than likely to take their place in the luggage. I'm a sucker for punishment.

I watched 21 Grams last night. Wow. Powerful and heavy stuff going on there. I found Sean Penn to be rather sexy in this movie and I don't have a clue why.

I have a list of about 17 games that I MUST see at E3. 17 is my lucky number too so that just proves its going to be a kick ass show. I have realized that many of these games are sequels ie) Prince of Persia 2, Spiderman2, Ico2, Halo2, Half Life 2, MGS3, Silent Hill 4... Sequels in general get a bad reputation thanks to the film industry churning out hideously poor cash cows every summer. But with games, I think the sequel is actually a pretty cool thing these days. Think about it. More time to build on the basic architecture and gameplay format only makes for a stronger experience I think. And you've got the added value of knowing the characters and/or experience from the original which can create a sort of nostalgia for the player.

I predict that girls will rule the school this year. Besides the token booth babes... content seems to steadily keep increasing in games that represent powerful (read overtly sexualized and packing heat) female characters. GHOST, DEATH BY DEGREES, CATWOMAN, and even the Rumbling Roses wrestling game are on my list of things to see in the Chicks Kick Ass department.

Back in a week with the full report.

Its like I just think up a random cool concept and as soon as I put it on paper, it starts appearing in games! Before I've even hit the show floor of E3, I've already tracked down two games that have characters that sprout WINGS- its like I predicted this trend in the same way I predicted that there would be one bajillion FPS titles coming out after HALO definitively proved the genre could work on a console. I vow this E3 to not play a single first person shooter except for Unreal Championship 2 which I will play only in third person mode ONLY:)
And I'm not playing anything with the word BATTLE or WAR in the title. Too much War related stuff these days. Oh wait, scratch that. GOD OF WAR. I must play this. Love the Greek mythology. And maybe we could hope for a sequel "GOD OF LOVE" or "GODDESS OF HUNTING"--- nevermind. Getting a little overzealous there. Help! I've fallen victim to sequelitis franchisemania!

Back to the faeries. I see that Jak3 is trying to lighten things up again with the inclusion of Happy Jak. What better way than to produce a sense of loveliness? Just sprout some wings. And the card RPG Baten Kaitos (fun to say!) apparently has characters that can TRANSFORM into winged versions of themselves during intensely focused battles. Hmmmm...

Honestly, now that I'm compiling a list of things I definitely want to see at the show, I'm getting rather excited to get to L.A. Less than a WEEK! I won't even start expressing how badly I want to see the new SnakeEater trailer- almost as badly as I want to avoid another embarrassing run in with Kojima...

I'm going home to play Onimusha 3
-z

2 weeks till E3 and the big show! WOOOOO! I'm getting very excited to hear some big announcements at the Sony/XBOX/Nintendo press conferences. I've been obsessing over my pearlescent pink GameBoy Advance SP and I think I'm going to make a little velvet case for it to sit in on while its not in use. These things scratch easily I am told and if it gets the kind of abuse my cell phone does... well its not going to be pretty.

Thanks to some serious harassment from friends and strangers alike, I am reposting an updated bio and faq (see upper right corner "Who is Zoe?"). I haven't got a photo gallery done yet as I'm focusing on getting my video stuff online. I got a copy of my interview for MTV Select which I think looks better than the G4TV one which gave me the donuthead complex. Unfortuntely I used the word "RAD" twice which I found to be rather upsetting.

I've been writing an idea for a videogame/comicbook/movie/ just on a whim. It started when I realized there needs to be more of A) things that transform (ie) TRANSFORMERS and b) more winged creatures. I don't know why but angels and fairies and butterflies all feel really feminine and girly to me. I want to do something a bit darker where they can beat each other up. Its okay if you think I sound ridiculous. Once I said it outloud I realized how mental it sounded. But its not stopping me from pursuing the idea. One person's opinion isn't enough to stop me particularly when this person hates text messaging, one of my fave forms of communicating at random. If only my luddite of a cellular transmission device would cooperate...

Farley's coffee shop in San Francisco is the best. And I rule at Scrabble.
-z

The Viceroy hotel in L.A is beautiful. I holed up in my room just to study the design and layout... I know my obsession with home decor is getting to be a bit much when I find a tape measure in my luggage.

Hanging out with the videogame press always results in fascinating ultra nerdy conversations which I love. Andrew from www.gamerdad.com brought up some interesting points about the ESRB rating scale which lead me to think about whether there is actually a specially calibrated PLASMOMETER that calculates just exactly how much blood is in a game and at which point the scale tips from Teen to Mature. Or is it a manual position and do you get a business card that says "Adult Mischief Consultant"? I'm definitely curious to know.

I have sworn off Vodka forever. Beer and Wine are my friends. After the midweek drinking I had a fab Friday night. Checked out "The Ladykillers" with Tom Hanks. Make sure you read Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven" before you go. I also went to Casa Gelato that boasts 256 flavors including Wasabi or such treats as Stoli Rasberry. Oops, I'm off Vodka. Forgot. I ended up with Green Tea after tasting the Coconut, Chocolate English Toffee, Pistachio, and Blueberry White Chocolate Cheesecake. I've never been one for sticking to just one flavor, although I do have my classics. Mint Chocolate Chip has a special place in my heart
It was just one of those Friday nights where you are alone and actually appreciate it. I think I truly appreciated it more because I forgot my keys and had to break in through a window. Despite my killer stealth skills, I managed to hook my fave jeans on the windowsill and rip out the entire quad. Other than that, very stealthy.

More Pre-E3 events this week. I don't know how the major freelance guys keep up with the schedule. You could be on the road for the entire month of April before the big show which itself takes a week to attend in full. I have to admit I'm looking forward to this one more than usual and not just because the Sony party is changing venues.

Yes its been awhile between updates. I have been severely stressed out for the 7 game haul between the Vancouver Canucks and the Calgary Flames. I have not been eating or sleeping well. I have consumed too much beer and pizza. I have lost my voice multiple times in one sititng. I witnessed 20 partying friends go from Saturday night festive celebration with the Canucks up 4-0, to a deathly quiet tension filled tomb as the third overtime reared its head. I find it even harder to accept the loss after they tied it up in the last TWO SECONDS of the third... game 7.

Anyways, its over. I can start having a life again which will include watching The Bachelor. I never watched a season in the past but I can't resist the concept of a "mole" amongst the cattiest women in the world. I'd love to play that character! DVD has ruined me for good. I no longer tune into 24 or Alias or CSI or even Sex and the City (PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!)- I just wait until I can watch it uninterrupted in one sitting. Its much more intense this way. Particularly if you follow 24.

Did anyone else see the Elisha Cuthbert skit on Mad TV? Very funny. I love her! I used to spend my Saturday mornings watching Popular Mechanics for Kids- Elisha was the most adorable little host of the show. I never thought of her as an adult until recently when all my guy friends were drooling over the running scenes during one of many 24 kidnappings or chases. Go Elisha! Good Canadian girl...

I'm going to check out some Vivendi Universal games this week. I'm looking forward to checking out Riddick (those Swedish developers are crazy!) and can't help but be curious about Leisure Suit Larry... I remember having to fake access to the original that quizzed you on history trivia from the 70's to confirm your age. I learned alot about Nixon that year.

-z

Because without them, where would we have got the idea for the big train?

I just had my picture taken for an update to my column in OPM (Official PlayStation Mag) and honestly I'm finally understanding why modeling should be left to real models. I mean, yeah, its just having a picture taken. In theory, it shouldn' t be a big deal. But suddenly when you have a stranger straddling you in your front yard with a camera and asking you to express something very specific... it can be a bit daunting. I have a whole new respect for models! I mean, I trashed the girls weekly in America's Next Top Model. Now I'm petrified Janis Dickenson is going to show up at my house and give me her "honest opinion". Ah well. We'll just have to see how it turned out. Thank god I didn't have to pose with a gamepad.

I'm heading out for lunch with an old friend from my animation days. He used to interpret my dreams for me every morning and draw cute pictures of my ramblings. I always dream in total technicolor detail. Mostly I have nightmares- not because I have a dark past but just because its been that way since I can remember. Even as a toddler apparently I hated sleep. I no its a necessity but I really don't enjoy it all that much. I hate naps particularly. And I always wake up feeling like a zombie if I do actually crash out in the day.

I love the animation world. Such talented people. They used to help me draw but I never had the patience and always ran back to llustrator or photoshop or 3D studio or Alias. I wish I could instantly download the images I create in my head instead of having to will them through my fingers. That would be a great invention! Or dangerous...

On the radio this morning, the morning hosts were trying to convince people that NASA had surpressed information about life on Mars. They followed it with a recording of the said "noise" they found. It took me awhile to realize it was a joke. I'm that gullible and naive. Really. Mostly because I want someone to prove me wrong and demonstrate life does exist outside of humans on earth. (Is it weird that I believe in fate but not in aliens?)

I just visited my old stomping grounds which have actually moved to a new office. The boyz at Electric Playground are rockin' the Canadian TV scene still and of course, ruling the G4 airwaves down south. Everyone wants to put videogames on TV right now- it's the hottest trend I've seen in awhile. The problem being- its tough to do without ruining the entire vibe of what makes us enjoy games as part of our lifestyle. As soon as you try to polish it all into a marketer's dream, you lose touch with the audience that actually cares. I think the best analogy is like that physics principle they taught me in school- the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle? You know, where the closer you get to something you want to measure, the more inaccurate the measurement becomes...

I really am a nerd.

GDC is over sadly. The final hurrah for San Jose and the Fairmont hotel.
I've been MIA from the games biz for about 2 years- keeping up with the general gaming vibes, writing occasionally but mostly producing and jetsetting for television stuff. So this year's GDC was super sweet for me- like the high school reunion I always dreamed of where people are actually happy to see you and you feel like you've come home!

My highlights (chronologically):
Wednesday-
running into JMF from Lionhead Studios and checking out his comic Patient Zero
throwing food at Ray Padilla and having Chris Taylor mistake me for a waitress
Thursday-
William Hung singing and dancing to YMCA on EyeGroove
Catching up with old pal CliffyB who showed me the most ridiculous display of visual art with the Unreal 3.o engine, then cornering Tim Sweeney for the rundown on how Unreal 3.0 uses virtual displacement mapping. Then Repeating Tim's mathlete driven answer to other developers so I could sound as smart as they sometimes do.
The XBox Party
Private Screening of Oddworld's newest game that I can't talk about but really want to!
Losing my 1980's cell phone amidst a sea of the most technologically advanced cell phone carriers in the world and suddenly having the direct line of 18 of the most wanted cell numbers in the industry all logged in my "missed calls"
Friday-
flatlining in my G4 interview and then giving up all journalistic integrity to gush about Hideo Kojima just ONE more time.
My G4 toque (and thus schooling americans on what a toque is).
Starbucks.

From the old site
Sept 23.2003
Its 4pm and I wouldn't say its the best time for me to be writing. Its that time of day when I feel a little blurry and start hallucinating about a giant Starbucks frappacino to get me through until the evening. I have soccer practice in a few hours so I better find some energy before then. I swear I have some bizarre form of jetlag eventhough I was only on a 2 hour flight from San Francisco to Vancouver. Last week was the third annual Sony Gamer's Day where the press was invited to check out the latest games coming up from Sony for PlayStation2. I hadn't been out to a press day for ages and it was great to see so many faces I'd missed in the past year. Its like being in school all over again as you try to whisper and converse while watching game demos and listening to speeches...not that I had many game demos in school. Regardless, there were definitely a few things that held my attention and it will be exciting to sit down and play Ratchet and Clank 2. I was smiling last night while watching Jeopardy on t.v- it was the Teen Jeopardy special and the brightest little guy on the show was a videogame junkie. He told Alex Trebek that he wanted to grow up to be the CEO of a videogame company and when Alex made the mistake of asking about his favorite game...he got an entire breakdown on the game design of Ratchet and Clank, and how you have to travel to various planets to complete the game. I love that glazed look television hosts get when they are totally lost and just trying to figure out a way to interrupt to announce a commercial break. What a cute kid though- I hope he uses the 20K he made to start a games company!

Of course I still think Eye Toy is one of the coolest things to happen in ages despite being such a simple concept. Its such a smart move by Sony to develop something that caters to the Narcisist in everyone. How can you NOT want to see yourself kungfu fighting and washing windows? Its hilarious and I can't wait to spring it on my friends at a party sometime! More exciting is the way that EyeToy technology will be used in future games. The immersive experience seems to be closer to reality all the time. Headsets and cameras...the hard drive and PSP next year... I like where things are going. There was also alot of online games making their appearance- obviously Final Fantasy XI is a big deal for north american fans who have drooled over the Japanese game for months. But even things like Syphon Filter and Tony Hawk Underground proved that the online experience can take a standard gameplay format and make it more exciting. I'm not going to get too excited right now or I won't have anything to say in my next column! Settle down girly....

That's it for today. My temporary caffeine high just bottomed out. I better upload and say good night. More tomorrow if you can believe it!
-z

Chatter. 09.22.03

So I've always been more of a dog person. I suppose its something to do with the personality differences that cats seem to have. But last December after Christmas, I adopted Uncle Leo. The number one reason I picked this cat? He weighs more than most small dogs and seems to think he may actually be a canine in the same family as perhaps a large hounddog. He doesn't play much, he sleeps in the middle of the floor belly up and spends much of his time giving passersby something I've affectionately termed "The Stinkeye". See picture below... you'll understand what I'm getting at.

But I am not.
And I've obviously been busy preparing my new and only slightly improved website. I do plan to update more frequently (did I say that last time too?) and you can harass me if I don't put something new on this page every week. The FAQ has been created to deal with many of the repeat questions I receive and for me to remind myself who I am and what I like to do. Everything else is self explanatory except for why the gallery only has one picture in it. I plan to add some more images soon but don't particularly like having my picture taken, so be patient.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and a Happy New Year! I sang Karaoke (badly) until 5am and had a car accident on New Year's Day. But it wasn't my fault (surprising since most of them usually are) and nobody was hurt. I'm officially in production on the new girl's action sports tv series, Hardcore Candy. I may make an announcement in February about US Broadcast access.

I'm playing too much Tricky. I'm writing a preview on Fatal Frame, a very cool survival horror game that has elements of Pokemon Snap. Go figure

The 3-Minute Novelty

Its 5am, deep in the darkness of an east coast metropolis whose name is lost in the stack of cities I've past through since Monday. I'm fighting the jetlag, suffering through a cup of bad tv station coffee sludge as I await my turn on the morning news cast. The lights come up and the camera pans right. Action! For three minutes I smile profusely as I have the undivided attention of a few hundred thousand people (or atleast their television sets). They call me "Gamer Girl" and I'm infiltrating tv and radio shows around the country to discuss videogames, the industry and, the most frequent topic of all, why, as a girl, do I play videogames?

I've continually grappled with being the face and voice out there representing the videogame generation. After all, what purpose is served by slapping a coiffed and composed cover on the face of our entertainment? When people see their version of "normal", even "successful" people playing games, will popular opinion finally be swayed to accept videogames as a modern and valid form or entertainment? This is what I think about between the long flights and early morning wake up calls. To me, it's the opportunity to speak out about the social issues surrounding videogames, to provide a positive new perspective to a generation of people raised on a sanctimonious stereotype that gamers are freakish, antisocial, immature, violent, and/or unhygienic. I hope that someone out there will seriously listen and learn from what I say. Usually, I only see the morbid curiosity in every interviewers eye as they've captured the perfect novelty item for the morning talk show circuit.

So I accept that I may be a novelty. But I'm a novelty with airtime in 15 major US markets baby! And for all the repeatedly uninspired questions about the violence issue, about aggressive tendencies, blood and guts, addiction and violence towards women, I am ready and armed with an array of retaliatory weapons, particularly my femininity. If games make us violent and aggressive and antisocial, why am I wearing pink nailpolish and doodling hearts and flowers on my coffee cup? Before the interviewer can catch his breath, I've launched into a positive campaign on just how fantastically exciting being involved in the videogame world can be. There is nothing more thrilling than changing the look of a reporter from mere curiosity to genuine interest.

I just got off the phone with a radio station in Washington DC. Tomorrow I get on a plane bound for Minneapolis before hitting Denver. I know the questions will remain the same from Miami to Seattle but I can't complain. Sooner or later, the novelty of my gender has to wear off and I'll go back to my normal life of playing games, writing this column, baking cookies, and shopping for shoes (standard antisocial freakish behaviour). So I'll take my 3 minutes now and hope that I can use the novel interest of a girl who plays games to generate genuine interest in the pastime that put me in front of the camera in the first place, and will be around long after my 3 minutes have been forgotten.

Wow. Two months since an update. Lazy or busy? I'll have to think about that. I know that the last few weeks have been mad busy as I've been travelling around some US cities discussing the videogame scene on the radio, professing my love of PS2 and Metal Gear Solid of course. I would have to say the highlight was a morning radio show in San Francisco called "The Baka Boys" where we had a live Madden match between myself and DJ Eric V! It was intense as I went up 14-0 in the first 2 minutes. Alas, my lack of knowledge or experience with football lead me to a loss of 21-14 in the dying minutes... I can only hope to return soon for a rematch. Watch out Eric....

Last week I was in LA for the PlayStation2 Anniversary party. I had such a fantastic time and it made it well worth the ensuing slander on FatBabies. Atleast I can count on my dear friend Ray to protect me. The party was in classic Sony style with tons of celebs, music by Alicia Keyes (so talented), and games games games. Sony definitely knows how to throw a bash.

In real life when I'm not jetsetting around and pretending to be a videogame superhero, things are also trucking along. My most excellent partner Steph and I are preparing to start production on Hardcore Candy once she has wrapped the editing on the program called 16mm, a show that checks out all the 16mm films available in the action sports scene. She was shooting in Utah all weekend while I was mingling with David Spade and David Arquette in LA. Poor girl is exhausted. She'll vacation in November while I'm following Solid Snake through his next epic adventure. Come December, we'll be officially "making tv" together. There will be plenty of pro female snowboarders up here at Whistler that we can document, and the surf scene will be in full swing...I can only hope we "HAVE TO" travel to Fiji and Hawaii to get our stories :)

Some people think its odd that I can be involved in two very different scenes. Sports vs Videogames... columnist vs producer. All I can say is that I get bored easily and I like to mix things up. I would like to use my television experience to create a wicked videogame series...so maybe that's next.

I watched Akira again last night. Makes me want a motorbike. Just like how Princess Mononoke made me want to be a forest spirit. Maybe that will be my halloween costume...I am really stuck for ideas and I need to decide this week. I feel like its already past with the amount of candy I've consumed. mmmm....peanut butter cups.

Did I mention I have a cold? I'm just sick enough to have to spend the day on the couch, but not so sick as to shun my laptop. I'm supposed to play ice hockey tonight for the Femme Fatales...my friend's all girl team. I play left wing. I decided not to sign up for the whole season since I want to focus on snowboarding...I've got a season's pass for a local hill. Great way to disperse the effects of too may peanut butter cups!

I'd better get back to playing Jak and Daxter. This game is so rockful. Those boys at Naughty Dog just really seem to get it. I can't wait for SSX Tricky and Tony Hawk 3 as well. I've been playing alot of Frequency as well. Buy it if you love music. It's rad.

This update is really all over the place. Just like me. I've got an interview tomorrow with a Canadian network called "SEX TV". I will be discussing "Videogames and Gender". Pretty cool. And if I'm gonna be on the radio again soon, I'll make sure I post when and where. I don't tend to post stuff like that because I don't actually want people to listen to me. I think I must sound so much more intelligent in print! :)

After this post, perhaps not....
(cut me some slack...I have the flu!....Anthrax maybe? ugh so sick of the news....boycott CNN!)

*cough cough*
-zoe >

I'm feeling rather uninspired as I update my website. I should be feeling proud considering the state I've left it in these past months.

First, it was...wow, I managed to get organized enough to buy my URL and put a useless front page up with broken links in about 35 seconds flat. Then it just gets shifted to the back burner. Actually, when I think about it, I do cook alot on the back burner of my stove. I don't use the oven much. This website has spent alot of time in the oven, forgotten and charred and shrivelling in the dark.

I'm busy with the new music video project that fell into my lap this month. Having a full time "job" puts a great deal of pressure on my "freelance" career. I've got 2 articles to write and a website to finish (other than this one) before the long weekend. I think that was me whining...*sigh*

I'm excited to begin work on my new television series this month. Stephanie, my new biz partner, is busy finishing up her other series, but we're going to cut something together later in the week to get us stoked for the upcoming season. The show is called "Hardcore Candy" and its all about girls ripping it up in action sports- snowboarding, skating, mountain biking, moto-x...all the rough stuff that interests me when I'm not immersed in tech-game-geek stuff. It's a big change from my work on Electric Playground, but I'm psyched to be creating something new. I miss being engulfed in the videogame industry although I have more time now to play games than I did before. I'll be producing, co-hosting, and creating the graphics for the new show and Steph will co-produce, co-host and edit the show...not to mention we'll take turns behind the camera.

I still adore working with Official PlayStation Magazine. The guys over there rock my world. They treat me like a rockstar and put up with my articles coming just after deadline, without fail. Atleast I'm consistent in my tardiness! And the feedback on my articles from readers just makes me want to write more. I'm going to make more of an effort to write on my website in the coming months. There's so much going on that I really should be documenting! Maybe some pictures too.

Thanks again for reading....

* main * voice * write * create *

release candidate 1.17
03.22.04
design: zoe j flower

zoe@zoeflower.com